THE SHIT LIST


GHOST SHIT  You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper,
but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT  Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't
even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look
in the toilet to be sure you did it.

GOOEY SHIT  This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse
112 times and it still  doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet
paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves
permanent skid marks in the toilet.

SECOND THOUGHT SHIT  You're all done wiping your arse and you're about
to stand up when you realise it.... you've got some more.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT  This is the kind of shit that killed
Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling
and purple from straining so hard.

RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT You shit so much you lose ten pounds.

RIGHT NOW SHIT You'd better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually
it has its head out before you have your pants down.

GREEN SHIT Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.

KING KONG SHIT This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the
toilet unless you break it up into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works
well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

CORK SHIT Even after the third flush, its still floating there. My
God! How do I get rid of it?! This shit usually happens at someone
else's house too.

WET CHEEKS SHIT This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG
splash that gets your arse all wet.

WISH SHIT You sit there all cramped and fart, but no shit.

CEMENT BLOCK SHIT You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you
shit.

SNAKE SHIT This shit is fairly soft and about as round as your thumb
and at least three feet long.

MEXICAN FOOD SHIT You'll know it's all right to start eating again
when your arsehole stops burning.

BEER DRUNK SHIT This happens the day after the night before. Normally
your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's
someone standing outside wanting to use the toilet. This kind of shit
also happens at someone else's house.