******************************************************************************* "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant." Irish proverb >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** Y.O.D.A > -- (sung to The Village People's "Y.M.C.A", by master Yoda on > meeting Luke Skywalker) > >YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said >YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said >YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I >*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY* >YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am >WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you >GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say >*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT* > >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A. >He's 900 years old! >He's so strong in the Force! >Do your Jedi Diploma course! > >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >Come and get yourself clean! >Come and have a good meal! >Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel! > >YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into >SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this >TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got >*SPAT* >*OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* >YOUNG MAN, >Welcome to Dagobah. He is >COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be >HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is >*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* > >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A. >He's 900 years old! >He's so strong in the Force! >Do your Jedi Diploma course! > >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >You must be here to see Y.O.D.A >Don't just stand in the rain! >You're all covered with mud! >come and sample my homemade crud! > >OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't >TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his >OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha >*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE* >YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be >GOING, off to save all your friends? To be >TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you >*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK* > >You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A >You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A >You should stay here and train! >You don't have to save Han! >If you do so, you'll lose your hand! > >You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A. >(repeat and fade). > >** Imperial Rhapsody > -- (sung to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody") > >LANDO: This is the good life >This is a fantasy >Working on Bespin >An escape from Reality. >LEIA: Open your eyes >Stand up to these guys and see. >LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy >Cuz who's my dad, I dunno >Little whine, little moan. >HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me > >PIETT: Vader just killed a man. >Raised an arm up in the air >Now his life is no longer there. >Vader, we had just begun, >And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum. >Vader, ooooooo. >Didn't mean to make you mad >If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow, >There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened. > >YODA: Too late, my time has come, >Sends shivers down my spine >Body's aching all the time. >LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go >Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force. >PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo. >I don't want to die >I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. > >LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man >Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor? >Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me! >R2-D2, R2-D2, >R2-D2, R2-D2, >R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH! >I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me. >REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family. >Spare him this life of such mendacity! >HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go. >JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go) >HAN: Let me go! >JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) >HAN: Let me go! >JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go) >HAN: LET ME GO! >JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO! >HAN: LET ME GO! >JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO! >HAN: LET ME GO! >JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! > >C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along. >LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee, > for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! > >(Stormtroopers start headbanging) > >LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine? >But you cut my hand off and left me to die! >Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader. >I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you. > >OBIWAN: May the Force be with you. >Use the Force to see. >May the Force be with you, >May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays. > >HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeee. > >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** KENOBI > -- (sung to Paul Simon's "Cecilia", by Darth Vader during his > duel with Obi Wan) > >CHORUS > >Kenobi, >You shouldn't have come back, >You best watch your back >Or I'll kill ya. >Oh Kenooooobi, >Your powers are weak, >You're feeble and meek, >And you're old. >Old, old, old. > >Swingin' blades >In the afternoon, >With Kenobi, >He's an old buffoon >(old buffoon) >I cut through >His chest and face, >When he falls to the ground >Air has taken his place. > >REPEAT CHORUS > >FUNKY NOISES SOLO > >Ju-bi-la-tion! >I murdered that coot, From: a boston correspondent >He's stuck to my boot >And I'm laughing. >Ju-bi-la-tion! >I murdered that coot, >He's stuck to my boot >And I'm laughing. > >LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo! >No noooo no no no nooooo! . . . > >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** HAN (To REM's "Stand") > -- (sung to REM's "Stand", by His Excellency, Jabba The Hutt) > >Han in the place where I live >(On the wall) Think about adhesion, wonder what holds him up there now >Han in my palace at home >(It's the best) >Makes a good example for the people who are working for me. > >Now if, you have, to hang up your hat >just use, the guy, who's frozen and flat >His hand, is there, to hold things for you >And Han, is there, 'cause I like the view! > >Oh Han with my trophies at work >(Excellent) >Think about collection, wonder can I get the Wookiee now >Han, brought here by my best friend >(Boba Fett) >Stops him dumping cargo runs and blowing my employees in half > >Now Han, a statue, is a good sight >I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite >He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream. >I like, his face-perpetual scream! > >Oh Han on display in my room >(Work of art) >Think of decoration, maybe should I hang him sideways now? >Han, it was worth all the cash >(Every cent) >He even opens bottles and I think he'd make real good doorman > >Han on the deck of my barge >Han frozen stiff as a bar >Han doesn't wander too far >Oh Han! > >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** THE MAX REBO BAND > -- (sung to Billy Joel's "The Pianoman") > >It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place >the regular crowd waddles in >there's a weird thing sitting next to me >it has three eyes and mottled gray skin. > >Fett says Max can you play me a memory >I'm not really sure how it goes >but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat >this carbine will blow off your nose. > >He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band >sing us a song tonight >'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in carbonite. > >La de de da, de de da >La da de de da, da dum.. > >Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine >he gives me my life for free >And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt >or the rancor will have us for tea. > >He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!" >as he stuffed a frog into his face >but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid >So we'll smile and nod, just in case. > >Oh, La de de da, de de da >La da de de da, da dum.. > >Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band >sing us a song tonight >'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in carbonite. > >Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist >her face it ain't launching no ships. >Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover >but that's how she got those weird lips. > >A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks >as another one gnaws on a bone >and I don't know which has less intelligence >either those two big thugs or the stone. > >Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band >sing us a song tonight >'cause we're all in the mood for a melody >except Solo, who's in carbonite. > >Oh, la da da da de de dah >la da de de da dah dum.. > >It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place >it's a killing, that's why we're all here >we'll sail over the dune to the pit of Carkoon >and we'll toss someone in with a cheer. > >'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal >and a man in black's come in the door >he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb >and then promptly sank through the floor. > >Oh, La de de da, de de da >La da de de da, da dum.. > >Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band >sing us a song tonight >for the Jedi Skywalker is down below >and the rancor is gripping him tight > >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** Blast, Loot, Pillage, Burn > -- (sung to The Mickey Mouse Club Theme) > >Blast, loot, pillage, burn, blast, loot, pillage, burn. >Who's the leader of the Horde that's made for what we are? >Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! >Hey there, hi there, ho there! We'll conquer every star! >Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! > >Darth Vader! (Obi Wan) Darth vader! (Skywalker!) >For ever let us hold our blasters high! High! High! HIGH! > >Come along and sing our song and march with us to war, >Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R! > >(slowly) >Now its time to say goodbye - they're closing up the bar - >Lord D-A- [aaayy]* >R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!] >V-A-D-E- (pause) R-R-R-R. > >*a la the Fonze, including thumbs up gesture. >A- [aaayy]* >R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!] >V-A-D-E- (pause) > >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >** "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Diplomatic Droid" > -- (sung to Gilbert and Sullivan's "I Am The Very Model Of A > Modern Major General") > >(from _HMS DEATHSTAR_) > >THREEPIO: >I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid >I'm fluent in the languages of Robot, Wookiee, humanoid, >A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery, >I know the rules of protocol and also human history. >I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical, >I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, >About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news -- >With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse > >CHORUS >With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (X3) > >THREEPIO >I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, >I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; >In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed, >I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. > >CHORUS >In short his masters find in he, etc. > >THREEPIO >I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid; >Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid, >For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down, >Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor underground. >My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us, >He lured me to the desert where the jawas soon molested us, >They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day, >I had to tell my master that the little twerp had run away > >CHORUS >He had to tell etc. (X3) > >THREEPIO >Now that we're on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises, >I'm hiding in the closet with that little Artoo nemesis; >And so I want to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets us both destroyed. >I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. > >CHORUS >And so he wants to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets them both destroyed, >He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid. >** Luke > -- (sung to The Presidents of the USA's "Lump") > -- New words by Patrick Mines. > >Luke sat alone on Tatooine, >Waiting for something to happen to him. >Droids showed up on the moisture farm, >They totally confused all the passing jawas. > >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head. >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. > >Luke lingered long on Dagobah, >And the dream he got was sort of rotten and it seems >Ben lied to him and Vader's his dad. >Is Luke over there hanging out with no hand? > >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head, >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. > >(whining) > >Luke was standing ready and without a care. >The guard pushed him off and he tumbled through the air. >He did some fairly heroic-type deeds. >Luke left for Endor at subsonic speeds. > >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head, >He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead. > >Is this Luke outta my head? >I think so. >Is this Luke outta my head? >I think so. Yeah! Whooo! >Is this Luke outta my head? >I think so. >Is this Luke outta my head?