Top 10 Solutions to Email Harassment!

Sick of being hassled by the clown you met on IRC the other night? Being
electronically stalked by a pathetic loner who has nothing better to do
than sleep, surf the net and watch the midday movies? Well, this is the
solution you've been looking for!

(Gender-flip if necessary)

1. Call the cops. 

2. Invite him to join your cyber love triangle. 

3. Write in another language.

4. Tell him you have just been arrested for indecent exposure and public
drunkenness, and that you need him to bail you out of jail. 

5. Send him an "accidental" email addressed to your best friend, explaining
that the sex change operation was a success, and you hope it doesn't get in
the way of a burgeoning relationship with your new cyber friend.

6. Send them a gift subscription to 350,721 junk email companies.

7. Write everything backwards and pretend nothing's wrong.

8. Spread over a number of emails, tell him you think you're being
followed, your email is being read and it is no longer safe for him to
leave the bodies in your back shed. Finish it off with a hurried not
telling him the cops are at the door and you're leaving immediately for
Rio. Tell him to destroy all the evidence and flee to Siberia, where you'll
meet him in 3 weeks and head for Swaziland to begin a new life.

9. Explain that you can no longer correspond with him, as you are leaving
immediately for Nepal, where you intend to live as a mountain goat. Invite
him to come along.

10. Send him an anonymous email with the subject "Tick...tick...tick..."
and nothing else. Three days later send one - with no subject - simply
reading: "BOOM! You're dead."

11. Send a reply from a fictitious ezine, thanking him for his submission
but regretfully advising they don't usually publish stories about hamsters,
duct tape and 6 inch lengths of sharpened bamboo, and that his article has
been passed on to the police. Quote his original email for added realism.

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©1997 Not The World News
http://www.newcontent.net.au/~acarr/
This document may be freely distributed on the condition it is distributed
exactly as is, including this footnote.